


To Err Is Human

by misura



Category: Fate/Zero
Genre: Alternate Universe - Writing & Publishing, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:02:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28324269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: "You died when you were like thirty," Waver said. "And nobody wants to read another story about you. My last book didn't even make it into the top ten. Do you know how humiliating that was? Matou Kariya's101 Delicious Recipes for Insectssold better than my last Iskandar book!"(AU where the mages are authors and the Servants are their muses)
Relationships: Iskandar | Rider & Waver Velvet
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8
Collections: Yuletide Madness 2020





	To Err Is Human

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Prix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prix/gifts).



Master Kayneth's latest novel was topping the best-seller list _again_ and Waver decided that (1) his life was the worst and (2) it was all Iskandar's fault.

"Now, boy, don't be like that," said the ruination of Waver's once promising career as an archaeomancer. "It's not my fault your pen is unable to properly capture the glory of my conquests."

Waver had honestly thought he'd struck gold when he'd ~~stolen~~ _happened upon_ Iskandar's relic while ~~snooping~~ wandering the mansion of his former mentor turned bitter rival.

Now, he was beginning to wonder if maybe Kayneth had known he was coming and had decided to set him up with what had to be the worst Heroic Spirit ever. It sounded unlikely, and extremely twisted, and way more effort than was necessary ... so all in all, yup, very likely.

"I write down exactly what you tell me," Waver said. He waved his butterknife at Iskandar. "But all your stories sound the same! You come somewhere, you look around for a bit, you conquer the place."

"And what is wrong with that?" Iskandar demanded. "I am the King of Conquerors, boy!"

"Yeah, well, you're not the king of best-selling books and making me rich, that's for sure."

Iskandar snatched the newspaper out of his hand ("Hey! I was reading that!") and checked the article. " 'Conquered by Pleasure' - bah, what nonsense, it's _armies_ a real man uses for conquest. Now, let's see - 'Diarmuid Ua Duibhe has lived his life convinced he will never be able to experience true love. He spends his days fighting and his nights - " Iskandar looked at Waver. "This is drivel. And, if I may say so, not at all the sort of thing someone of your age should be reading, let alone aspiring to write."

"I'm twenty-one!" Waver said. "Twenty-one! You were at my birthday party last month! Without pants!"

Iskandar's expression brightened. "Ah, yes. There was cake. And dancing." 

"Nobody was doing any dancing except you!" Waver said. "And who dances without any pants on anyway?" 

"I daresay this Diarmuid person does." Iskandar laughed, then shot Waver a look and sobered abruptly. "But of course you are far too young to understand such things. Why, when I was twenty-one, I - "

"Yes, yes, you were conquering the world. I _know_ ," Waver said.

Iskandar looked momentarily outmaneuvered, then shrugged. "Be that as it may. Our situations - our worlds are hardly comparable. Come now, you only need to ask, and I will gladly share another story from my long and happy life with you."

"You died when you were like thirty," Waver said. "And nobody wants to read another story about you. My last book didn't even make it into the top ten. Do you know how humiliating that was? Matou Kariya's _101 Delicious Recipes for Insects_ sold better than my last Iskandar book!"

Iskandar frowned. "Are you sure they're not recipes _with_ insects?"

"Whatever!" Waver threw up his hands. "My point is, I've been tracking down this relic, and if it gets me the Heroic Spirit I hope, my next book is going to be about them, not you."

Iskandar stared at him.

Waver stared back, then reminded himself that he was a Master Archaeomancer while Iskandar was a mere Servant, meaning he did not need to prove his superiority in a staring contest.

"So who is this marvel of spirits, then?" Iskandar asked.

"You will find out soon enough." The truth was: Waver had no idea himself. He'd ~~bribed~~ _politely requested_ a friend of a friend with a grudge against the Tohsaka family to redirect any interesting-looking shipment his way, and a package had arrived yesterday night.

He'd been tempted to try a summoning at once, but he'd decided it would be better to wait.

"Well, now I am excited!" Iskandar said, and Waver felt a brief and very momentary pang of guilt.

On the other hand, it wasn't as if he intended to get rid of Iskandar or anything. Even if Waver succeeded in summoning another Heroic Spirit, he should be able to provide enough mana for two of them for at least a few months. Longer, if he actually managed to write a best-seller already.

He said, "Uh, I'd kind of like for you to be there. You know, just in case."

"Of course!" Iskandar said. "I will protect my Master, even when he heaps insults upon my head." ("That's a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it?" Waver said.) "No harm shall come to you for as long as I am capable of swinging my sword!"

"Great," Waver said, refusing to feel flustered. He bet Kayneth never had these sorts of problems with _his_ Heroic Spirit. "Thanks."

_two hours later, give or take a few minutes_

"You mongrels dare gaze upon my glory without my permission?"

"Uh," said Waver. "Hi? My name is Waver Velvet, and I'm - "

" - excessively boring and truly trying my patience," the newest bane of Waver's existence said, stepping out of the summoning circle. "Now. Tell me why on Earth I should make a Pact with someone as dull as you."


End file.
